A collection of dark thoughts about cleverness, stupidity, loneliness and other ehhh … stuff. Foggy outputs of a brainless brain.
When I die
Good to know that when I die, everybody’s IQ will go up.
I forgot who told me that fish is good for your memory. Probably a doctor, who sells fish.
I believe that we all want freedom of religion so that we can believe what we want and then tell others what to believe.
Wouldn’t it be great to live in a perfect world? Things could only get worse.
Too much coffee is bad for my health. I don’t know if it will kill me, but if it does I hope to come back as a coffee pot.
Einstein knew it. Picasso knew it too. If you put a mirror far enough away you can see your own profile.
Dinosaurs went extinct, and the mammoth is gone too, and where is the Dodo? Who misses the Dodo?
Cave bears are extinct, and aurochs, quaggas, giant deers, Elvis Presley. Do we really miss them?
Let’s kill off the whales, tigers, butterflies and elephants. Nobody will miss them, when we are extinct.
The world should be perfect, perfectly round.
No land, just one big ocean.
No place for us, just fish.
You can drink from your glass many times, but you can break it only once.
There’s something seriously wrong with this world, apart from me.
People always believe me, when I say “I’m stupid”.
I don’t wanna be right …
I don’t wanna be wrong …
I don’t wanna be left …
I am a pacifist. If looks could kill, I wouldn’t look.
Gods and Angels
Somebody asked me the difference between Gods and Angels.
Angels have wings, even if they don’t exist.
The world has two types of people. Most people are bad people, the rest are very bad people.
We live in an age of communication. Probably that’s the reason why I lost contact with almost all of my friends.
Most people are so stupid that they don’t know that they know nothing. I am not THAT stupid, I know it!
I’m alone, I’m lonely, but I’m alive.
Music is the universal language. Everybody understands music. It’s a pity that so few people speak music.
Loneliness wouldn’t be so bad, if you could share it with somebody.
There is nothing after death. That’s why I will try to stay here a bit longer.
Things can always get worse, but things can always get better !!!
I’m not a brainless boy. I’m a brainless old man.
Higher or deeper?
Life has its ups and downs, like mountains and valleys. Is the mountain higher than the valley is deep?
All religions are equal, but some religions are more equal than others, and for most people, their own religion is the only equal one. Equally stupid perhaps?
You are a smoker. You need a cigarette. Don’t ask me “Do you smoke?”. Ask me “Do you mind if I smoke?”. Yes I do.
I am always right … ALWAYS … except when my wife disagrees with me.
Nobody but me
If I were alone in this world, I would probably feel less lonely.
Just found out what “sublimation” means. It happens to my brain all the time.
Many people take training to improve their memory. Wouldn’t we be better off with training that helps us to forget?
Ha, they are now making movies without smoking. Shouldn’t they start making movies without guns? Or even better, without people!
Synergy is defined as “The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects”. So, if two people together are more stupid than the sum of their individual stupidities, this can be called synergy?
Trees versus people … trees are harmless.
Divorce wouldn’t be so bad if you wouldn’t loose half of your friends in the process, or 85 percent.
We have only one real problem, which happens to be a solution to all our problems … Mortality.
Your health is your most valuable possession. But would you rather be healthy without any friend/partner/wife/husband/son/daughter … or sick with somebody who cares for you?
Try to explain
There is no need to tell clever people how clever they are, and it is impossible to explain to stupid people how stupid they are.
It’s easier to love crazy people than normal ones.
When you are busy reinventing the wheel, don’t forget to reinvent the road.
I decided to never smoke except during my cremation.
What’s the use of intelligent people, if they don’t think?
Die for it
Nothing is worth dying for, except perhaps “the right to die”.
How old do I need to be to have enough experience to keep the people whom I love happy?
With ambition, idealism and optimism gone, what else is there to live for?
If you upset me, I will be upset.
Experience taught me: you can either feel happy, or unhappy, or neutral. But I am not sure. Is it better to be half the time happy and half the time unhappy? Or all the time neutral?
Books and movies
We invented printing and filming. Now there are more books than I can ever read, more movies than I can ever see, and I am bored.
Silence is a powerful way of speaking. If you say nothing, you are saying a lot.
If God existed she would have outlawed religions. First commandment: Thou shalt not religiate.
People tell me that "in their time, things were better". Not in my time. My time still has to come, and things will be worse.
I would rather have an average weight or an average income, than an average intelligence.
As soon as you come in contact with an intolerant person you become infected. Intolerance is a contagious disease.
Most people of my age are much older than me.
It may feel good to be considered “normal”, but luckily I am not.
There are quite some mistakes I would like to make twice.
How many people will cry at my funeral? When it’s down to zero, then it’s time to die.
Getting to know people is fun, until you know them.
Try living like an immortal, until you die.
Yes I have money, but never enough. Yes I am happy, but never enough.
We urgently need to invent time travel. It doesn’t need to be perfect.
Backwards is enough.
Actually, it takes only very few brain cells to be stupid.
Brilliant Brain Wave
War!!! The Americans call it “peace process”. The Russians call it “peace enforcement”.
Many people believe in capitalism. Probably because it’s easier to get rich than to get happy.
I love dates!!! Except the date when I die.
When a 28th century archeologist digs me up, how can she know that the space inside my skull has always been what it seems to be? Air!
I tolerate everything except intolerance. Ok, even that.
We try to measure intelligence with an IQ test. But how to measure stupidity?
Try the SQ test
Everybody drives on the right side of the road. For half the world that’s the left side. On average we drive in the middle.
How many trees do I have to plant to undo the damage caused by my 50+ years on this planet? Probably a small forest. (See Trofaco)
Most people are forgotten when they are dead. Some when they are alive.
It would be great if all people were stupid. You could say anything, and it would make sense.
I don’t need much. I just need somebody to be silent to.
Most people lie when they deny that they lie.
France would be even nicer without the Fwench. They think they own it.
For better efficiency I suggest that we hold our meetings with not more than 5 persons talking at the same time, and perhaps 2 or 3 on the mobile phone, but the total should not exceed 8, and the presenter should not be interrupted by more than 3 persons at the same moment.
I am having an out-of-memory experience … … …
I finally located the middle of nowhere. It’s right here, in my head.
The term no-nonsense sounds like nonsense to me. It doesn’t make no-nonsense.
We are all consumers, feeding on our environment as voracious caterpillars, but will we reincarnate as butterflies?
I changed my mind. It had expired.
A career which involves “something with movies” could be a comedy.
If I were alone in this world I wouldn’t be much happier.
Considering how right I always am, I must have been very wrong when I was younger.
Old people are pessimists and young people are optimists because pessimists get old when they are 20 and optimists stay young all their life.
I have a bad sector in my hard disk. They told me it’s all between the ears.
My wife thinks I know everything. That’s true, but sometimes I forget things.
I have the brain of a dung beetle. It’s full of shit.
Deaf by choice
It’s often difficult to really understand people. It’s easier to just ignore them.
My wife says that when I’m drunk I talk too much. I think she listens too much.
Having children is great, is wonderful, is fantastic, … is worries, is worries, is worries.
If somebody tells you to “think before you act”, it’s probably too late.
Is believing in nothing a religion? Only if you believe that everybody should believe in nothing.
I agree that my driving is below average, but all others drive worse.
Care for your Heart
Take care of your heart! Regular exercise is of extreme importance , at least 3 times per week! But who has time to exercise three times every week? It would help if weeks would be a few days longer. For example a metric week with 10 days.
Most problems in this world are human communication problems! Unfortunately, we live in an age of communication.
In many species of animals that show “social behavior”, there are a lot of solitary males. How social is that?
The only “proof” that God exists seems to be that nobody can proof that It doesn’t exist. Like fairies.
The problem with life experience is that it can prevent you from experiencing life.
Girls mature earlier than boys, at least 60 years earlier.
Homo sapiens is the scientific name for modern man. It is Latin, and translated it means “wise man”, “clever man”, “knowing man” or “thinking man”. We are not clever enough to give ourselves an appropriate name.
It’s a miracle that brainless people can talk.
I don’t make the same mistake twice. I am too busy trying other mistakes first.
With life expectancy growing, we expect more from life, but what we get is more repetitions.
A bit longer
Whenever I think a bit longer about something, I forget what I was thinking about.
Easy to remember
One of the few things I can easily remember is that I have a bad memory.
Intelligence is not the opposite of stupidity. You can be intelligent and stupid at the same time. Or just stupid on its own.
Falling in love is a chemical process, so don’t blame yourself.
My personal generalization is that “Everybody generalizes!”.
If I didn’t drink coffee I could have had two cars. If I didn’t have a car I could drink twice as much coffee.
When scuba diving I always need to carry some extra weight to compensate for the empty space in my head.
Cash and Carry. Synonym for “husband”.
Proud to be Dutch, with our expertise in dikes and water management, but I can’t fix a leaking tap.
If everybody would be satisfied with “sufficient” we would all have “enough”.
To be a politician you need a thick skin, which then makes you insensitive to the opinions of those who elected you. We need politicians with a thinner skin.
If wisdom comes with age, no need to worry about ageing.
My short-term memory is getting longer.
I’am always surprised when people take me serious.
If a politician speaks “the language of the people”, this should refer to the content of his/her speeches rather than the use of vulgar words.
Very unsatisfactory but good
When ranking something, you can use numbers. For the layman and other morons it is always nice if these numbers have a meaning; you want to be sure that everybody understands that 2 is better than 1. This is not rocket science. Or is it?
Life expectancy is what you expect of life.
Wouldn’t doctors do a better job if it was “no cure no pay”?
If Saint Martin of Tours had given his cloak to the beggar without cutting it in two, would he have become twice as famous? or half as famous?
My wife is only wrong when she agrees with me.
All people who share my opinions, are right.
I believe that I believe in nothing.
Meaning of Life
The meaning of life is to be quoted when you are dead.
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